Ryan Reynolds? More like Ryan Rey-no, amirite?

I can’t be the only one. I can’t be. I refuse to believe it. But for some reason, it seems I am. And I just don’t understand. You see, the men you girls probably fawn over, the Ryan Reynolds (weird head), the Harry Styles (ew, young) and the Robert Pattinsons (he played a sparkly vampire a little TOO well), I just don’t find remotely attractive. So while you dream about being the next Mrs Gyllenhall, just know that I have no idea what you find attractive about them.

Take Brad Pitt for example. Sure, a fairly decent looking guy if you’re in to foreheads, blondeish hair and varying degrees of manbeard. As far as an actor goes, I find him stilted. So that’s probably why the only film I’ve ever really seen him in is Mr & Mrs Smith, which I watched for all of ten minutes before checking out mentally. The Friends episodes he was in I found so cringe. Not the storyline. Just him.

Or how about Gary Barlow. A talented guy. But not appealing in the slightest, with a voice that sounds rather meh and samey.

Spencer Matthews. I physically can't look at his face without cringing. And that was before we all found out about the personality issues.

Prince William. No. Not attractive. I suspect his royalty and wealth has a lot to do with his attractiveness. If he was working in Screwfix handling orders for plumbers, would you look twice? NO.

Maybe it’s fame. Maybe I just don’t like people with fame. Because I see a slight arrogance in them. Like they expect me to fancy them because they feel they’re smart, hot and talented. So maybe subconsciously my brain says ‘Right men, we have a code 3. The guy is cute, yes, but memory recall from the Daily Mail’s Sidebar of Shame tell us he is famous and has enough fan girls. SHUT DOWN ALL LUST SYSTEMS. And Smitty! Delete those really important things she needs to do later!’

So off Smitty goes and I forget to write an appeal letter for the penalty fare I got a while back (see my tale of woe from last week to read about the most epic of fails). And I go through life with a kind of WTF face when girls start mooching on about how hot whoever was in that film when whoever did something for that girl (the Notebook, maybe?). I just don’t get it. Nor do I get Love, Actually. Or the fascination with Hugh Grant.

So tell me, ladies of the world. Am I a right weirdo? Or will you join me, virtual hand virtually in virtual hand, as we stand together and say to celebrities, ‘We don’t rate you, mate’?

(In the interests of full disclosure, when I was about 12 I had a crush on Leonardo DiCaprio. I bought the trading cards. I was fairly soon snapped out of it after I discovered I was being a right loser.)