It happened to Jennifer and Courtney. So what happens if you outgrow your best friends?

Your best friends are meant to be forever, right? So say sitcoms and rom-coms, so say chick lit novels, and so say you and your friends to each other when you’re in your teens. After all, those BFF necklaces you stayed up making that sleepover can't be separated, ever. As long as you have one bit, and your BFF has the other, you'll really be friends forever, right?

Take Friends, the series most people our age grew up on. Monica and Rachel were friends from school in their fictional world, through thick (literally in Monica's case) and thin. But with the Daily Mail today reporting Jennifer Aniston and Courtney Cox have barely seen each other, missing important events for trivial reasons, is that how life really is? What happens when you grow up into completely different people? Being honest, if you met each other now, would you be in any way interested in getting to know them?

At the age of 23, I would like to think I now have a clear idea of my beliefs, my philosophies, my goals, my taste in the opposite sex, and what I want out of life. And I would also like to think I surround myself with like-minded people and people who don't bring negativity and bad vibes into an environment. But it’s tricky when you start to realise your so-called ‘best friends’ are just the type of people you no longer want to be around, and in some cases, you find they’re dragging you down.

The saying goes, ‘schooldays are the best of your life’. Well, whoever said that obviously never went to university. I will treasure my university memories as the years I met some of the most wonderfully interesting and like-minded people, and whom I will call friends for life. These people I would have no hesitation in calling my best friends. Why? Because I have a laugh with them. I’m comfortable talking about anything with them. And best of all, I’m completely and totally at ease with them.

I went to school in a small town and met my ‘best friends’ as a painfully shy and awkward young teen, fresh out of primary school and desperate to click with someone, anyone. They were already friends from a young age, and so I latched on. We remained close as the years went by, and as I grew up I found myself coming out of my shell, gaining more confidence. My school friends seem to like to think that it was down to them and their taking me under their wings that I attained this new-found self-assurance. And in hindsight, I don’t think they liked it. Little jibes were directed at me whenever I seemed to show any sign of my own personality which was desperate to shine through. This would lead me to not only doubt myself, but also mock myself along with them. I thought it wasn’t intended badly, but in good humour.

I was always a creative soul, interested in the arts and media. As a teenager, I became involved in a drama and art. My school friends mocked the clubs I joined and branded the people I met there as ‘weird’. At an art exhibition showcased by myself and others, they spent the evening snickering childishly and narrow-mindedly at the various pieces of art. As the years went by, it didn’t stop. They scorned my interest in fashion, implying that it was a waste of time and money. They dismissed the humanities degree I studied, insinuating that a degree or career in anything to do with the arts was useless, in comparison to their areas of study (science). I also sensed they didn’t like when I made new friends in university, as though I were ditching them. Despite the fact they had no qualms about befriending people in their own classes. They took an instant dislike to any friends I made, treating them in a somewhat hostile way and assuming them to be arrogant before getting to know them.

It became embarrassing. When introducing these girls as my ‘best friends’ to my new friends, I worried about how it would reflect on me. Until last year, when I had an epiphany of sorts. I told myself life was too short to surround myself with people who drag me down. I realised these girls thrived on viewing me as a dependant little puppy, who relied on them for assurance and friendship. I now understood when they saw me blossom from a caterpillar to a butterfly, they did not like it one bit. They preferred me as the timid twelve-year-old whom they nurtured eleven years ago.

I don’t like drama, and these are not the type of girls who would be diplomatic and understanding if I explained my feelings about this situation to them. As a result, I’ve decided to live and let live. I don’t want to fall out with them,as there are also some very good memories I treasure. There were numerous occasions when I needed them and they were there for me. But rather than express sadness at the fact that we’ve grown up and drifted, I breathe a sigh of relief I’m able to paddle my own canoe. The life I now lead is one I carved out for myself, by myself. We still stay in touch and meet up every so often, but we have different lives now and all want different things. To put it plainly, we have nothing in common.

So, again, reality trumps fiction. The rom-coms and the chick-lit novels are proven wrong once more. The cold hard truth? Your BFFs don’t always last forever. But who says that’s a bad thing? Like me, you might realise they were holding back the real you, the person you kept hidden for so many years. This realisation might be the best thing that ever happens to you. It might set you free.

By Evanne Miller