Some things in life make you nervous. Getting your GCSEs or your A-Level results. Your driving test, starting a new job. Even opening that jack-in-the-box (yes I’m thinking of Will Ferrell in Elf. SO SUE ME) can be perilous.
However, I can guarantee one of your major life events will top these, and it’s the day you get married.
Now, I’m not a nervous ninny. I watched Chelsea’s Champion’s League penalty shoot-out from the safety of behind my shirt. But I cannot begin to tell you how rampant those butterflies were the week of August 25. The problem is not many blokes offer their two-penneth on what to expect. I’m the first of my ‘group’ to get married, so they were as useful as a chocolate teapot.
But there’s something deeper that troubled me. It’s a human trait to mask fear with bravado. I should know. So by the time Monday passed and Tuesday happened, it was time to head to Edinburgh and I was becoming more and more nervous as the minutes went by.
Granted my dad had been through the whole process before, but somehow the advice of someone who has been married 27 years (and counting) just didn’t seem to go in.
After a few (I say a few. I knew there was something suspiciously strong about those JD and cokes) drinks the night before to settle my nerves, it only fuelled a decent night’s sleep. A rude alarm call at 7am didn’t help matters, so by the time the big day was upon me, I was still none the wiser about what to expect.
After tottling downstairs in a dressing gown, there was no going back to sleep for me. I tossed and turned in bed for a bit before deciding to go for some breakfast. I think I managed a few pastries and nothing more. I took my niece for a walk for an hour or so (or at least it felt that way. Damn my long legs and her three-and-a-half-year-old stumps) before getting back to the hotel. I sat and listened to a few of ‘our’ songs, before requiring whiskey to calm to the nerves.
I can’t begin to tell you how nervous I was while getting ready.
Not because I had doubts over my soon-to-be wife, but because I didn’t know what I was nervous about. It’s the not-knowing part that made it worse. I suppose it’s like being ill and not knowing why. I dispatched my dad off for whiskey number two while getting into my suit which didn’t take nearly as long as it did to do my hair (OK so I’m a bit of a magpie. But it was my wedding day so that’s ok), and before I knew it I was ready.
During all of this Jacob, one of our photographers, was capturing every moment between me and my dad. Later on he said he’d never seen anyone look as nervous as I was, so I guess I’m memorable for that reason alone!
We headed to the registry office, but we were so early I found time for whiskey number three. I waited in a little area with nothing but open, bare benches for what seemed like a lifetime before Tom the registrar popped down to have a chat with me. Everything from here on in seemed a blur.
Some of my married female friends had said this would happen, but I was well aware a bride’s world is totally different to the groom’s. True to their word, the day passed before I knew it.
I paced and waited, and I’ll never forget the goosebumps I had when Tom said ‘could you all please stand for the bride’. Now. I’m not ashamed to say as soon as I saw Mrs W, I cried. I was exhausted. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. It had all come down to this moment, and finally it was here. It felt like popping that hard spot – a huge release of pressure, and the day was now ours to savour.
There’s nothing wrong with being nervous. It’s perfectly natural, and it’s to be expected. It would be more of a surprise if you weren’t nervous, to be honest.
So what’s my advice? It’s two-fold.
Firstly to the men lucky enough to be committing themselves to the woman of their dreams. It’s ok to say you’re nervous. Bravado and joking around will only release the tension on the surface. Think of the duck. Furious underneath the water, serene above it. Talk to someone on the morning. Try and have some breakfast. If you’re like me it will only seem to make the butterflies worse, but it’s a long day. If you need to go for a walk on your own then knock yourself out (not literally), just remember to tell someone so they don’t think you’ve done a runner.
Secondly, this is for the brides. Yes, we appreciate it’s a rather stressful time, but do take some time out to consider the effect it’s having on us. I am fortunate enough that Mrs W knows me inside out, so could tell. Have some time together the day before the wedding away from wedding stuffs just to remember what got you there in the first place. If you think you’ll be too busy then make time. It will help more than you will ever know.
Enjoy your day. It’s your day, and never lose sight of that.
Even if she is a bridezilla.
Images: Sam Fam/flickr
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