It's the worst bit of the holiday. The flight. Not only does it often mean waking up at an ungodly hour, but airports are always busy, crowded places. And expensive. Because once you've checked in and your luggage is safely and gently being transported to the baggage area before being thrown about and hauled into the bowels of the tin can you'll soon be seated in, you're trapped. You are trapped. Want a coffee? That's £15 please. And you'll pay it. Because you have no choice and THEY KNOW IT.
Then there's the flight. If you're lucky enough to have ever flown first class, then the flight must be like staying at the Ritz (neither of which I've ever experienced so this is purely speculation). After all, you're entrusted with silver knives and forks. You probably get massages and napkins shaped like swans.
If you're not minted or your employer won't fork out the cash to set you up with a decent seat, then you'll be in economy, with me. In a tiny, cramped seat, with a screaming kid moaning about their ears hurting and some moron with their iPod on so loud you can literally hear every lyric to Glee. There'll barely be enough room to move, there will be many arm rest wars, someone will kick the back of your chair just as you drop off to 'sleep' and you'll be served food no human on earth would ever eat. Because you're not on earth. You're miles above it. And all the rules change when you're at 40,000 feet.
And then eventually, after what seems like months, you land. But you can't get off the plane before the privileged few in first class have been escorted to their gold waiting room. God forbid one of the lowly people were to look at them. It's then a fight to get the best space at the luggage belt. The same annoying kid who kept you awake for five hours will be temping the naughty step and attempt to ride it, all the while their parents are remembering the time before their little 'darling' appeared. 'Wasn't life so easy back then?' their tired faces seem to say to each other. Yes. Yes it was, worn-out mother. For all of us.
Eventually your bag arrives, unless you're really unfortunate and it's actually in Mogadishu, and it's just a case of getting to wherever it is you're staying. And then the holiday begins. But you know, at the back of your mind, you'll have to do the same thing in two weeks. Except you'll be coming back to drizzle and awful weather.
While it's bad for us, spare a thought for the cabin crew, who have to deal with us cranky, nervous and downright rude passengers. So. While their smiles may be beaming, they're just like you and me. Except they have to stay awake and basically be all things to all men.
I spoke to Kate Whillock, 26, who moved to Abu Dhabi to fly cabin crew with a leading Middle Eastern airline, to ask what we, the passengers, can do to make the ride far more enjoyable for all. "I had always wanted to travel, and cabin crew seemed like the easiest way to do this," she says. "When I was standing in front of the Sydney Harbour Bridge or playing with lion cubs in South Africa I did have to pinch myself a few times!"
Kate spent eight weeks in intense training before she was able to fly. And while she was expected to know how to fight a fire and deal with emergency landings, one of the biggest and most intense issues cabin crew face is us, the general public.
"My favourite types of passengers were those which knew that behind the glamorous uniform there was a person who had a serious job to do. At 40,000ft the crew who serves your gin and tonic is also your potential fire-fighter, policeman and doctor. Therefore it’s in your best interest to keep them as happy and stress-free as possible."
So what are her tips?
- Say hello. Don’t let their polished appearance fool you. Whatever time you woke up to catch your flight you can guarantee your crew were awake before you. Showing empathy by simply sharing a smile will definitely start the flight in a much more positive way.
- Listen. The majority of the time passengers have flown multiple times before, so there is really no excuse for not adhering to procedure. Take just 1 minute out of your journey to stow your bag properly and make sure your seated, belted and ready for take-off. If everyone did this a crew’s job would be a breeze!
- Be organised. The faster the crew complete the service, the quicker the lights go off and the cabin can sleep. Be aware of the trolley approaching and know what you want to order in advance to speed the process along.
- Have patience. Remember that over the horizon of the seat in front of you there is a sea of up to 300 other guests waiting to be served. Most of the time flights operate on minimum crew compliment, so sit back, relax and trust that your attendants are working as fast as possible.
- Make conversation. Talking to each other is all part of the experience, both for crew and holiday-makers. I met people from interesting countries and amazing walks of life and always appreciated a chat at 2am to keep me awake!
In Kate's experience, the nicer the passenger, the more the crew will go out of their way to make their journey as memorable as possible. "While our number one priority is the safety of everyone on board, we were also there to give people the best start or end to their holiday and create long lasting impressions. The famous American author Maya Angelou once said ‘When we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.’ I think she would have made the perfect passenger."
When I asked Kate about her favourite experiences, she says it's the ones who go the extra mile to make the team feel special that really make the job worthwhile.
"On one particular flight from Abu Dhabi to Cairo we had a full cabin, minimum crew and a two-course menu to serve," Kate says. "Little did we know that during four hours of stress - which included two medical emergencies - a passenger had noted down our names and written the most wonderful letter to the airline congratulating us on our efforts and team spirit." Kate admits that for crew who are aiming high and trying to get promoted, positive guest feedback is truly priceless in helping them with their career. "Just taking 5 minutes to write about your experience can make a massive difference to the career of the crew standing in front of you."
So, with record numbers of Brits trying to escape the dull summer we're expecting, spare a thought for the crew who have to look after 300 tired, agitated, and in some cases, tipsy passengers for hours on end. Except they don't get two weeks in the sun at the end of their shift.
You may have already read my first feature on Malta and Gozo. If you haven't, then you definitely need to. Anyway, if you have, you may be wondering where to stay. Fortunately the Malta Tourism Authority gave me the chance to try out two five star hotels; one on the beautiful, peaceful get-away-from-it-all island of Gozo, to the north of Malta, and one on lively and loveable Malta itself. There was definitely a clear winner for me.
My favourite part of the Kempinski was breakfast. They have their own gardens and grow some of the produce used in the on site restaurants. The freshness of the fruit and the pastries were among the best I’ve ever had. The honey, produced by bees on Gozo, was the best I’ve ever eaten and it was truly special. There is a hot self-service buffet, a chef in the dining room, and an a la carte menu. Anything you desire, they will do for you. It's all about you.
The Westin Dragonara
I do have a couple of slight gripes with this hotel. First of all, they charge for wifi. This may be an idiosyncrasy of mine, but I feel very strongly that a 5* hotel should not be charging for internet access – this is pretty basic and should be included as standard. Secondly, the swimming pool and Jacuzzi area are very run down. When we went to try out the Jacuzzi, after a hard day of trekking and mountain biking, we found unpainted plaster and a cracked and slippery surround. It wasn’t just unsightly - it was a hazard. Again, if you market yourself as the best around, then these kind of issues aren’t acceptable in my opinion.
The local food is to die for. I didn’t realise how much I liked fish. Actually I was fairly sure I hated fish. Turns out I just really like fish that was caught the a few hours before eating it. It's all about freshness. The tomatoes are something else. They deserve a review all of their own. The local honey was the best I’ve ever eaten. And I’ve eaten a lot. If you want to travel and consider yourself a foodie, the local restaurants serve incredible, fresh, simple and delicious dishes to suit every taste. And who knows, perhaps you'll find a new-found love for something you've never really been that keen on.
Bess is addicted to Earl Grey tea and Classic FM. An amateur baker, she often has too many opinions and not enough tact. Her one great idea is to found a ‘breakfast and dessert’ delivery company, for all your sugar coma needs. When not exercising her right to point out bad manners, you can find her pursuing one degree too many. 
While it's bad for us, spare a thought for the cabin crew, who have to deal with us cranky, nervous and downright rude passengers. So. While their smiles may be beaming, they're just like you and me. Except they have to stay awake and basically be all things to all men.
When I asked Kate about her favourite experiences, she says it's the ones who go the extra mile to make the team feel special that really make the job worthwhile. 
