And so we give you Queen of the Trolls (do not feed)

What do the three billy goats gruff and us, the general public, have in common?

Both have been the victims of a vicious assault by a troll. But whereas the cloven-hoofed gang were targeted by a cave-dwelling weirdo, we've recently fallen prey (again and again) to a completely different breed all together. Well, maybe not completely different.

In yesterday’s Daily Mail, Samantha 'other women don’t like me because I’m so beautiful'/'did I tell you I live in France with a man who is French he's French I totally fit in here because I'm so stunning' Brick added to her ever-increasing list of intelligence-insulting ramblings with, what is probably, her best yet. Read ‘best’, as ‘worst.’

Her latest gift to the most-read news site in the world is a comprehensive rundown of her dieting past, and indeed, her dieting present; most noticeable entries being the period she spent eating nothing but Polo mints and the occasion she fainted through lack of nutrition. She didn’t mind though. She insists this was just a “minor hitch, eclipsed by the fact that [she] was being asked out on lots of dates.”

You see, Samantha Brick apparently hates the idea of being fat and isn’t afraid to show her disdain for others, who in her opinion may be carrying too much weight. Or as she puts it, look “like a bulging sack in danger of imminent cardiac arrest.” She confidently claims that “any self respecting woman wants to be thin” and seems to be proud of the fact that her French husband has threatened her with divorce should she put on weight (she mentions it twice). Her parting shot? “As I see it, there is nothing in life that signifies failure better than fat.”

Since the story first appeared in what is sometimes referred to as the Daily Fail, (not forgetting the Sidebar of Shame) Twitter has been ablaze with disgust and outright fury at Brick’s opinions; ‘Samantha Brick’ was trending for most of Thursday and links to the article in question were present throughout. So even those who aren’t a regular DM reader were counted in their stats on this occasion. Clever, no?

And so Samantha Brick and the Daily Mail have, yet again, fooled us into doing something that she apparently rarely does herself: bite.

Samantha Brick is no more than a troll. So, off the back of this no doubt highly-calculated outburst, I think she thoroughly deserves to be crowned Queen of the Trolls. Her opinions shouldn’t be taken any more seriously than those of someone spamming the comments section of your YouTube hair tutorial. ‘UR HARE LUKS LYK POO!’...yeah, whatever.

The only difference between her and the usual Internet Troll is rather than lurking anonymously on message boards and Chat Roulette, Brick is able to do her trolling through a national newspaper. By taking her seriously not only are we providing the controversy she so clearly courts, but also driving traffic to the hosting site which is no doubt counting their huge advertising revenue as I type.

I’m painfully aware that even I am offering her a light snack by writing this but in future, don’t feed the trolls.

Especially this one, she would hate to get fat after all.