Why I'll never be a fashion blogger.

We asked Erica, who co-hosts #mybchat (a PR and marketing chat for bloggers, held on Tuesdays at 7pm *join in hint hint*) with us and blogs over at www.imbeingerica.com to give her opinion on trends hitting many a fashion blog at the moment. All opinions (although agreed by many) are her own. So if you happen to love cropped jumpers and midi skirts, well, take it up with her really. 

I am a blogger, yes. I wear clothes too. those two things in no way qualify me to have an opinion on fashion, and yet... somehow, I didn't get the memo. If you're of a sensitive disposition, I suggest you stop reading now because things are about to get judgemental up in here...


1. Midi Rings: Rings on the bendy part of your fingers is just so, so illogical that I really wonder if I need to go into this in any sort of detail at all? I mean, I struggle to wear 'regular' rings because I have terrible memories of that time I almost cut my middle finger off while I was wearing a ring, and remember the absolute horror and torture of trying to take said ring off while half of my finger hung on for dear life (it's okay now, if not slightly bendy... thanks for asking); to wear one half way up my finger and increase the risk of knuckle suffocation? NOPE.

2. High Neck Crop Tops: These remind me of That Guy Who Wears Shorts With A Snow Jacket. Why have the extra warmth up around the neckline, if you're planning to expose your midriff? it maketh no sense to me. This applies to cropped anything, really, unless it's an outer layer (see: item 5.), or worn tucked into a high-waisted something. If not, then no. Redundant clothing is redundant. I'd rather wear a regular top or a scarf and be done with it.

3. Anything Labelled 'Boyfriend': The hint is in the name. if it was designed for a boy, chances are it's not going to flatter my God-given shape. Boyfriend jeans? NOPE. Men's hips are lower than women's and almost always narrower - couple that with my short, water retained legs, and I'm almost always going to look wider than I am, and with the unflattering shape of the jeans, probably squat. Oh! you're wearing heels with your cuffed boyfriend jeans to promote your femininity! Just no. "But my Boyfriend Coat is baby pink! It's so retro and girlie and cool!" It isn't. It's ill-fitting; it hugs my bum, hangs off my boobs and makes me look like a turnip in a power-coat. Hey, ho! I'm all for being androgynous, but you don't see the guys wearing our pencil skirts or pussy bows just yet, so maybe there is a line that needs to be drawn. I'm drawing it.

4. Smocked Dresses: What is this, art college? The pictured dress is really a bad example, because the more I look at it, the more I want it. Hey, I get the retro thing - trust me, but smock dresses were originally for the impregnated (or heavy set); used in place of zips or buttons, and to eliminate the need to buy different sized clothes. What's your excuse? it's FASHUN? Just no. Belt it up and we can talk.

5. Cropped Jumpers: I am guilty of a cropped jumper, but not in the same way that some FASHUN BLOGGAHZ are. I wear mine over a collared, fitted dress - to keep warm but still flatter my shape. Not with see-through leggings, a slouchy, slogan beanie and cut out boots. More evidence of redundant clothing can be found in item 2.

6. Midi Skirts: Euurgh. My cankles are the widest part of my leg (not including my tharse), why oh why would I wear something that stops right where the height of my water retention starts? Just saaah unflattering. Sure, I could add a heel and that would potentially lengthen my legs but trust me: this is one trend not suitable for this particular human's confidence.

7. I Don't Even Know What To Call These: Is it a sandal? Is it a shoe? One thing's for certain, it looks like a tractor tyre, and certainly not comfortable. I am so unimpressed with the 90's revamp that continues to invade the high street, because I abhorred the 90s the first time around. The girls and boys out there embracing the current trend were obvvvviously born after these horrors had their initial day in the sun, and instead must've grown up looking adoringly at photos of their brothers and sisters' awful fashion crimes as kids. It's the only plausible explanation for these hybrid school-shoe platform monsters being considered hip. The ONLY ONE.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why - despite my obvious good looks, ability to pose in my bedroom like a pro, and wax lyrical about "why adoorrrrrreeeee [insert current boutique brand here], I shall never cut it as a FASHUN BLOGGAH. I appreciate my well-hidden waist and the comfort of a brogue all too much.