Running is a learning curve (also don't eat fibre before a long run)

Since signing up to run my first half marathon, I've done nothing but talk about running, and do a lot of running. If you don’t care about split times, long runs, stretches, warm ups and running on treadmills vs going au naturel outdoors, then you should probably avoid me. Unless, that is, you find stories about bodily discomfort amusing. Now I’m not talking about the typical ‘my ass is sore from all my miles’ boast. I’m talking some serious intestinal noises causing my blushes.

For those of you not in the running loop, long runs (an hour or more) require a pre-run fuel stop. Extra eating? Ideal. I thought I’d be super clever and go for one of my favorite snack bars. Fruit and oats? Healthy and nourishing. Feeling smug, I hit the treadmill. Everything was going well until I hit the forty five minute mark. Then the internal gurgles started rolling.

In my brilliance, I'd packed myself full of prunes and dates. Now, anyone with a modicum of intelligence knows you don’t want fibre before a run. Because, as anyone with a modicum of intelligence could tell you, your insides start to move. You know the feeling when you have gas, but can’t do anything to ‘let it go’ because you’re trying to impress someone? Well it feels the same, except you’re also dripping in sweat and trying to run.

To compound the embarrassment factor, everyone on the neighboring treadmills will give you very funny looks if you start clutching your stomach whilst gasping for air and trying to run. Not the best gym etiquette, really.

The best bit? It doesn’t wear off for at least an hour.

I learnt my lesson. This is what training is for. The only solution is to toughen up, tackle my childhood fear of bananas, and stop telling the internet about my gas problems. [Please don't stop telling the internet about your gas problems - Laura]


Bess is addicted to Earl Grey tea and Classic FM. An amateur baker, she often has too many opinions and not enough tact. Her one great idea is to found a ‘breakfast and dessert’ delivery company, for all your sugar coma needs. When not exercising her right to point out bad manners, you can find her pursuing one degree too many.